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  • Eww … did you have onions for lunch!?
  • Oh come on! You were there when I made the bloody bet!
  • I can’t look, there are too many skid marks.
  • I swear, if you hit that front brake once more …
  • She’s the sensible one, she’s got footwear.
  • Hang on? Hang on to what!?
  • Ugh … this bloke is ugly, especially from back here!
  • I’m fine with being topless, it’s being seen on a Jap bike that embarrasses me!
  • So that is what a ‘hole-shot’ is!
  • Liquid-cooled but still fitted with Love Jugs.
  • The new Draggin Skins range – feels like your wearing nothing.
  • I hope that is a dead animal that I can smell …
  • Not everyone has a taste for Ginger Nuts.
  • In-your-face turbo blow-off valve.
  • My turn, I spy … with my little eye … something beginning with … ?
  • Bugger getting a helmet, I need a gas mask!
  • I think your exhaust is leaking!
  • Garry, straighten your back a little and open your mouth a little more – I can’t see where we’re going …
  • There’s enough arseholes on the road without having to see yours!
  • Don’t you just love the wind in your face.
  • Those weren’t the skid marks she thought he was going to show her!
  • That’s not the handle bar your looking for.
  • The moment when she realised that she was just one wheelie away from being cast in the next ‘Human Centipede’ movie.
  • In these types of conditions, even the pillion experiences tunnel vision.
  • So fast it will tear your clothes off!
  • Must be cold, where’s your landing gear?
  • Can you see the crack in my fairing?
  • Push middle button to make it go faster!
  • Go on, just pull the gerbil out.
  • That ain’t bug splatter on her face …

And this issue's winner is:

• I hope he’s not going to do another stoppie!

Congratulations Trevor Haines, you’ve won a 1-year subscription to HEAVY DUTY magazine!