Each issue we run our Caption Competition for readers in our popular Weird section. The winners receive a one-year subscription (6 issues).


Then enter your email address, name and phone number and click submit.

You can also mail your caption to:

Caption Comp
PO Box 96
Ascot Vale VIC 3032



oh the humanity

• I told you not chase them bikies.

• If you had louder pipes that car would have known you were there.

• Does this mean I get a new Rushmore?

• Cut me some slack Frank, it’s only a scratch!

• I told ya not to put all the doughnuts in that side ya dickhead!

• No need for a tantrum honey, we will get you a red bike instead.

• It’s okay mate the scratches will polish out!

• Wow Ponch, I almost had them, dammit!

• It’s okay, next week we can afford a side stand.

• Don’t get upset old chap, we thought you knew we took the training wheels off it.

• Yes, I’m sure I shit myself!

• There, there, don’t cry we’ll get you a new one.

• Thank God it was the police bike not my bike ...

• I told you about those death wobbles ... officially we better blame it on the ABS.

• I know I’m a cop and I’m supposed to be tough but it landed on my toe and it hurts and I want my mum, sniff, sniff …

• It’s okay Bruce, just walk away. Don’t look back it will just hurt more.

• Don’t worry mate it’s not that far to the pub!

• It’s okay, it’s okay, she’s in a better place now.

• Don’t cry about it, I told you not to let him kick over you bike.

• There, there my pet, let’s get you inside and have a stiff drink.

• Maybe we’ll just stick to stopping criminals not doing stoppies …

• Haven’t quite got the hang of that counter steering yet, have we?

• Yes I know, a mouse crossing the road can be a VERY scary thing can’t it.

• If that’s you’re reaction when a kid says “Boo” to you, then I don’t know if you’re cut out for this work.



• I’m sorry Sarg, I suppose it’s back to the Honda for another six months.

Congratulations to Matt Bondin. A one-year sub to HEAVY DUTY is heading your way!

Our cowgirl farmed in some hearty caption comps entries. Here’s a selection…
• So that’s what they mean by being on the bare bones of your arse!
• An udder case of mad cow disease …
• Handles like a cow, make no bones about it ...
• Dried up crusty old bikie riding a weird pushy
• I asked for a Harley Crossbones, but this is a joke lol!
• I just wanna jump your bones!
• Holy cow it’s friesian on this bike
• When they removed the bullsh*t from my Honda, this is all that’s left.
• I always wanted a bare bones Harley!
• Bad to the bone? That is udderly ridiculous!
• I’ve heard of flogging a dead horse, but this is ridiculous!
• Steer me left, steer me right, I’m on my Harley look-a-like!
• I told him, “it’s udderly ridiculous and that’s no bull. I can ride anything.”
• Udder chaos!
• Has a real boner for riding.
• Suspension on this thing is crap, rattles me to the bones.
• How’s this for a custom Cowasaki! 
• There’s nothing sexy about skin and bone. You gotta have some junk in the trunk.
• Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
• Should have slowed down when I saw a sign saying “Caution: cattle next 5km!”
• Nana Mouskouri goes Nomad ...
• That’s not quite what I meant by a “Bare Bones Chopper”
• That’s not a burnout behind me ... it’s bullsh*t
• Udderly ridiculous
• She always said she loved riding a good ol’ boner.
• She’s pretty and has lots of bones! And looks a bit horny!
• Nothing to see here, just a couple of old cows.
• Oh they have so butchered that bike!
Congratulations to David Clarke. A one-year subscription to HEAVY DUTY is heading your way!Here’s what you thought about these wanna be bikers …
141Sleeping on it
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