Each issue we run our Caption Competition for readers in our popular Weird section. The winners receive a one-year subscription (6 issues).


Then enter your email address, name and phone number and click submit.

You can also mail your caption to:

Caption Comp
PO Box 96
Ascot Vale VIC 3032



what a pushover!

• Pigs might fly but they sure can’t land.

• Bloody learners still can’t park properly.

• That’s righ,t “hi-viz” doesn’t work! We want loud pipes or we all walk.

• Sarge sorts out another no good bikie gang.

• You bloody wimps – all I did was sneeze!

• When they told me the bikes were parked on the side, at the cop shop, I didn’t think they meant literally!

• Now what do I do? ... the police manual doesn’t say what to do in this situation.

• Who said the new police bikes were a push-over?

• Damn those new self-folding kick stands!

• I should have put my handbag in the other pannier.

• How am I gonna explain this to the boys at the Blue Oyster bar?

• Take a deep breath, then blow into the tube until I say “Stop!”

• I will huff and puff and blow you pigs down

• Who cares? No Harleys!

• They were all in too much of a hurry when they found out the donut shop has a sale on.

• Who said you can’t teach pigs to lie down?!

• Now for my next trick I will teach them to roll over …

• Where the fark am I gonna hide the doughnuts now…

• Anyone for a game of police bike dominoes?

• I heard of cow tipping, but never pig tipping!

• Police trainees show a new style in angle parking…

• I was just looking at them, honest!

• I’m sure we can find some poor unsuspecting motorcyclist to blame this on.

• Breathalise these bikes,

they’re drunk!

• Full weight of the force.

• Sleeping on the job again.



• Laying down the law!

Congratulations to Chris Bird. A one-year sub to HEAVY DUTY is heading your way!


Our cowgirl farmed in some hearty caption comps entries. Here’s a selection…
• So that’s what they mean by being on the bare bones of your arse!
• An udder case of mad cow disease …
• Handles like a cow, make no bones about it ...
• Dried up crusty old bikie riding a weird pushy
• I asked for a Harley Crossbones, but this is a joke lol!
• I just wanna jump your bones!
• Holy cow it’s friesian on this bike
• When they removed the bullsh*t from my Honda, this is all that’s left.
• I always wanted a bare bones Harley!
• Bad to the bone? That is udderly ridiculous!
• I’ve heard of flogging a dead horse, but this is ridiculous!
• Steer me left, steer me right, I’m on my Harley look-a-like!
• I told him, “it’s udderly ridiculous and that’s no bull. I can ride anything.”
• Udder chaos!
• Has a real boner for riding.
• Suspension on this thing is crap, rattles me to the bones.
• How’s this for a custom Cowasaki! 
• There’s nothing sexy about skin and bone. You gotta have some junk in the trunk.
• Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
• Should have slowed down when I saw a sign saying “Caution: cattle next 5km!”
• Nana Mouskouri goes Nomad ...
• That’s not quite what I meant by a “Bare Bones Chopper”
• That’s not a burnout behind me ... it’s bullsh*t
• Udderly ridiculous
• She always said she loved riding a good ol’ boner.
• She’s pretty and has lots of bones! And looks a bit horny!
• Nothing to see here, just a couple of old cows.
• Oh they have so butchered that bike!
Congratulations to David Clarke. A one-year subscription to HEAVY DUTY is heading your way!Here’s what you thought about these wanna be bikers …


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